Last week we moved into a new parsonage at my current
appointment. We moved after ten short
months after moving into the now "old parsonage." It is a task
I have lived through as an associate 10 years ago as well. As we go
through this process again, I am struck by a new realization. The
parsonage is the most used, most occupied, most unseen of all church
facilities.
I have lived in a church parsonage/manse since August of
2002. I have now lived in 6 church houses. What I have learned is
that the church only knows what you tell them about the parsonage. It is
almost at the whim of the pastor to either shed light on issues or let them go.
What this translates to is the horrible option of having to
"complain" about the condition of the house you and your family live
in to people who don't. It is a unique and precarious place to dwell.
In a utopian appointment there would be a parsonage
committee that met like they should.
This committee would be just nosy enough to stay ahead of all
the fixes a house needs but not TOO nosy that they bang on your door at 6am
every other Saturday. There is a fine line but it is one that cannot be
ignored.
Usually though (in my experience) it is ignored until
something goes wrong or the pastor moves. In my last appointment we had
probably the healthiest parsonage committee which met at the parsonage twice a
year. One of those visits was the mandatory full inspection (this is in
the United Methodist Church). In each one of these meetings we would make
a list of the small repairs or hick-ups that were happening in the parsonage
and make a plan of action to remedy these issues. Some chairs of the
parsonage committee would be timely in fixing those; others not so much.
BUT, what I found to be key, is that someone else knew what was happening
within the walls of the parsonage.
With my 10+ years of living in 6 different
parsonages/manses here are some rules I and my wife have come up with that we
live by:
1.
Leave the place better than you found it.
This means the yard, the storage closet, the bathrooms, and everywhere
else. If all ministers and their
families lived this way, SO many problems would cease to exist during times of transitions.
2.
Get permission to fix something before you do it
because it really isn't yours. I dabble with DYI and I grew up with a
father who had a rule, "If I can't fix it after three days of trying, then
I'll call someone." But before I run off to the appliance repair
shop to buy the $15 sensor to make the dryer work, I check with my parsonage
chair or trustee chair. I do this not to annoy but to double check this
is what they want me to do. That is the church's dryer, not mine and if
they would rather pay a repair person to come out, it is their job to make that
decision. Plus if something goes wrong, you have asked permission.
3.
It is the Church’s house but our home. We make the place our own by putting up our
art work, pictures, and using our furniture everywhere we can. But we also know it is the church’s
house. We attempt to put good boundaries
on what we do but also what we should not do.
This especially true when it comes to our two cats.
4.
Show the house off. I hate open houses but I do realize they are
necessary. I realize the idea comes out
of an older generation but it does serve a purpose. It gives the church confidence that you are
taking care of your house but also enables the pastoral family to point out any
flaws that need attention. For example,
in our last parsonage, no one really believed our neighbors owned most of what
looked like our backyard. Once they came
out and saw the property lines they understood.
5.
Be willing to get your hands dirty. I knew a pastor who told the Chair of
Trustees that one of his jobs was to come over and change the air filters of
the parsonage. I don’t think that is in
the Discipline. Yes it is not your house, but be willing do plant
flowers, change light bulbs, clean carpet after your pets and kids, and other
things. The church is not a butler/maid
service BUT when it comes to big ticket and permanent items, it is there
responsibility.
(Warning…a small rant ahead)
I have not found a parishioner who understands what it is
like to live in a parsonage, unless they were part of a clergy family at one
time. Trying to explain to a person who
owns their own home what it is like to committee approval to paint your kids
bedroom is almost impossible. As people
have looked at our conference’s parsonage guidelines many think we have it
pretty sweet. Clergy families get a ‘free’
house to live in and all this furniture is provided. Laity, please listen, it is a blessing and a
curse. It is really hard to make a house
and neighborhood you didn’t choose your home.
It takes skill, care, and patience.
It can take a toll on relationships with children and spouses. Please don’t assume because the house is ‘free’
it doesn’t cost the clergy family anything!
I have heard of people getting divorces and dealing will illnesses from
the conditions pastors and their families have lived in/through.
Now I have found that the majority of my congregations truly care about the living conditions of their pastor and his/her family. They want us to feel like we are at home. I appreciate those people because they truly do care. There are others who could care less.
The fine line is that the parsonage is there (for those
who don’t have a housing allowance) and it is a blessing and a curse. It is the most used facility of all the church
buildings but one almost no one would recognize as a church building. Its invisibility can lead to decay and rot
and at some moments peace and tranquility.
The line those that live there have to walk can be tedious and precarious. However, out of all 6 I have lived in there
is one thing in common. Like it or not,
I have called each my home.
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